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1er MAI 2008
/ MAY 1st 2008
Voir article " La charité, ce n'est pas la justice"
Plus bas sur cette page
See " Charity is not justice "(scroll down this page)
LA NOBLESSE A TOUJOURS COMPRIS LE PEUPLE ET ELLE A UN PENCHANT NATUREL
POUR LA DEMOCRATIE, C'EST A DIRE LE GOUVERNEMENT DU PEUPLE PAR LE PEUPLE
POUR LE PEUPLE
.........................????????
POISSON D'AVRIL
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deux erreurs très répandues dans les sociétés
industrialisées
1- Beaucoup croient que c'est le patron qui paye les
employés alors que c'est bien évidemment l'inverse
2- Dieu a créé l'homme alors que ...bien entendu,
c'est ....
Ceci n'est pas un bus de banlieue This
is not a city bus
Two widely spread mistakes that contribute to society's
failure:
1- The boss pays his employees. It is obviously
wrong, they create the wealth and let him take his royal portion
2- God created man. You do not have to think very
hard to realise it can not be true as man is a tiny part of
the universe.
Man's ego and his need to be reassured by political and religious leaders
who are only too keen on ruling the world were the causes of that
huge mistake
http://www.cequilfautdetruire.org/article.php3?id_article=506
LA TIRE-BOUCHON / CORKSCREW
FABLE
WE ARE BEING DONE RIGHT LEFT AND CENTER
(*) c.d.t.b.s
Versus
durable products ABOVE, THE TWO CLUES OUR DETECTIVES
HAVE FOUND
Please read on....
For a very long time, I have felt
something was definitely wrong in this modern world. We seem to be buying
lots of objects that are absolutely useless because they do not last. The
consequences of course are very serious:
1- We get irritated and frustrated
2- We waste money and natural ressources on very nice-looking but
awfully fragile objects
3- We make those who manufacture and sell that rubbish richer and richer
4- I get the unpleasant impression they do it on purpose. The "c.d.t.b.s"
(*)
brands are to be avoided at all cost. What do
you
think?
(*)
"Carefully Designed To Break
Soon"
Now, when we examine the
corkscrews, we can see that the very old model on the right is still
perfectly OK and the recently bought new "c.d.t.b.s" model on the left is broken. Our detectives asked
the owners of the broken corkscrew if they had used it in a normal way, to
open bottles of delicious French wine or if they had used it in a nasty
way, for example as a weapon of mass destruction, or as a plough in a
field. Their answer was very interesting, they just blamed the quality and
the manufacturers' policy and added that most of the things they bought
with real money was actually real c.d.t.b.s rubbish.
Well, if we consider that we do not buy just corkscrews, and that many
objects we buy are substandard quality and quickly end up at the waste
disposal site, we should do something about it:
Demand a label that will guarantee a high standard of durability for every item on the shelves and
boycott the firms that manufacture
or sell
money-making substandard products that cannot offer that type of
label. Prices and our purchasing power are other subjects we will tackle
soon.
That responsible demanding attitude
could be applied to many other fields,
to politics in particular !
Have a nice day
JM
Ici comme ailleurs, la charité vole au
secours de l'injustice qui emprisonne les hommes
EXPLOSION SOCIALE EN FRANCE
SOCIAL UNREST AND RIOTS
EN NOVEMBRE 2005
Quand on voit dans la rue les
débordements de la violence urbaine qui est bien entendu une conséquence de la
violence quotidienne subie par ceux qui survivent sans grand espoir dans
des quartiers ghettos on est amené à se poser la question suivante:
Qu'ont fait les gouvernements successifs de gauche comme de droite pour
éliminer la pauvreté, l'injustice sociale et le désespoir des banlieues?
Les réponses apportées année après
année, celles des restaurants du coeur, du
RMI, des allocations diverses et variées, de la surveillance à la 1984, à
la Big Brother, par les caméras dans tous les lieux publics, la
réponse des beaux discours, des nouveaux plans pour assurer la sécurité et
l'ordre public, l'instillation quotidienne de la peur par des média sans
courage qui trés souvent rabachent un discours attendu et convenu, sans
donner la moindre explication historique, sociale ou culturelle qui
permettrait de comprendre la situation, les réductions des moyens accordés aux services
publics, toutes ces solutions hypocrites apportées au drame de l'injustice et
de l'inégalité, ces réponse ne
suffisent plus. Que diront les études sociologiques sérieuses? En tout
cas, ce qui est certain c'est que ...
Nombreux sont ceux qui subissent la
pauvreté et le mépris, grande est leur méfiance vis à vis des hommes politiques,
des média et des mots suivants: LIBERTE, EGALITE, FRATERNITE,
SOLIDARITE, mots dont se gargarisent les ténors des partis,
mots vidés de leur
sens par la réalité économique d'une France, d'une Europe et d'un monde
livrés au LIBERALISME et par conséquent à la PAUVRETE POUR LE PLUS GRAND
NOMBRE
We suggest a new anti-riot policy / Nouvelle politique anti-émeutes
Ci-dessus, sur la photo, un modèle de notre catalogue
Charity is not justice
It
is supposed to be needed in exceptional circumstances.It is
not supposed to be used as an alibi,
as a system, a business that makes injustice look quite acceptable,
quite civilized, quite inevitable, so normal .
A lot of energy and goodwill is spent trying to correct the
predictable consequences of a system that we don't seem to
condemn.
How about setting a date, a get-rid-of-injustice date, a no-more war
date, a no-weapon date, a no-poverty date, a date that will signal
the end of the old world, a date that will mean the end of
prehistoric times, a date when charity business is nothing but history.
Civilisation is not just just supposed to produce new models of
smart phones, it is supposed to produce smart people, people who
know how to cooperate and respect for the benefit of all.
In the mean time, some energy will have to be used to find fair
ways, democratic ways, new ways for a sustainable development of all
countries and peoples, ways of governing, of making this planet and
the wealth it has to offer something to be really proud of. Who will
find those ways, You and you, and you, just you, yourselves! Not a
so-called providential man, woman, semi-god etc, not a bunch of
politicians who would soon pull the wool over your eyes and tell you
lies and do their own thing in your name.
OK! it can't be done, some will say, because man is bad! If that was
true, they would be bad themselves! Just ask them if they are bad
... The answer, I bet, will be: No, I'm not bad, I'm good, but many
people are bad. The problem is that if you ask every human being on
earth, you will get the same answer. I suppose it is because
everyone of us can be good or bad all the time. Now, if we encourage
the nice aspect (the ways are yours to find and implement) , I
suppose we will reap what we sowed And if we choose not to produce
or sell or tolerate any weapons, I suppose fewer wars, destructions
and casuaties will have to be mentioned in our newspapers.
Now, what date shall we choose? I suppose any date that will give us
time to think, talk, propagate the idea on the net, meet, dismantle
the old system, negociate, choose representatives, correct the odd
mistake etc, - will be fine.
Easy, isn't it? Well, not so, in many people's minds, including
mine! Indeed, why should those who have confiscated everything on
earth want to give it away?
In fact they will do all they can to prove you that they
know what is good for you. they will tell you that you are a dreamer,
that it is only a utopia, that they have every right to keep what
they have. Of course, the law will be on their side! So, some
energetic action will be necessary in the last lap of the race
against injustice.
Violence being ruled out, what about causing a natural and total
collapse of the old economic system. Rotten fruit do fall, even
quicker if the tree is given a little push. Let's say that we will
not buy anything, I mean that we will just buy the absolutely
essential things we need - potatoes and bread and you know what,
that we will not go to work, that we will do far more important
things, - those last minute details and coordination -
The date: you asked for it! Well,.......Demolition
will start on May 1st 2008,
as soon as we get up, no rush, that day will be the first of a
pleasantly long series of "days-off" it will be several weeks
before the system dies a natural - well, almost natural - death. The
"No-buying-No-working" campaign will last as long as necessary: 3 or
4 weeks, perhaps more, perhaps less. of course as it falls to bits,
the replacement ideas will take over, gently,steadily, relentlessly. RECONSTRUCTION WILL START NOW IF YOU
CHOOSE TO DO IT.
Please tell everyone about it, see what they think, what you can
agree on, what is wrong, what is right, etc ... Have a good time and
bye for now.
August 29th 2005 Jean MICHEL
LA CHARITE, CE N’EST PAS LA JUSTICE
On ne doit y recourir que dans des circonstances exceptionnelles.
Elle ne doit pas devenir un système, un alibi, un business qui farde
l’injustice, qui la rend tout à fait acceptable puisque civilisée,
humaine, inévitable,tellement normale.
Beaucoup d’énergie
et de bonne volonté sont mobilisées pour tenter de corriger les
effets les plus voyants ou perturbants ou caractérisés par une trop
grande visibilité – ces effets étant pourtant les conséquences bien
prévisibles d’un système que nous ne semblons pas encore condamner.
Et si nous
fixions une date, une date limite pour l’injustice, une date pour la
fin de toute guerre, une date d’arrêt des usines d’armement, la date
de l’interdiction de la pauvreté, la date qui sonnera la fin du
vieux monde, la date qui marquera la fin de l’ère préhistorique, la
date ou les entreprises humanitaires ne remplaceront pas les
services publics organisés nécessaires à une vie décente. Notre
civilisation doit se montrer capable de produire autre chose que des
téléphones portables toujours plus perfectionnés et des boissons
gazeuses trop sucrées. Elle doit servir l’homme, pas le capital des
multinationales, elle doit favoriser la coopération et le respect
pour le bénéfice de tous.
En attendant,
beaucoup d’énergie devra être mobilisée pour mettre en œuvre la
justice, le fonctionnement démocratique de toutes les institutions,
le développement durable pour toutes les parties du monde et tous
les peuples, les façons de gouverner, les méthodes pour utiliser la
planète et les richesses qu’elle peut nous offrir sans les gaspiller
ou les abîmer, les conduites responsables qui nous permettront de
laisser avec fierté cette terre préservée à nos enfants. Qui
trouvera ces nouvelles façons ? Vous, vous et vous, seulement vous,
vous tous, vous-même. N’attendez pas un homme ou une femme
providentiel(le) , un demi-dieu ou un dieu entier etc…ni un parti,
ni une clique de politiciens qui vous jouerait la musique des
promesses pour mieux vous endormir et qui ensuite s’empresserait de
gouverner à votre place et à son seul profit.
Bon, c’est
mission impossible ! Je vous l’ai entendu dire, non ? En tout cas
certains l’ont pensé très fort. Ils ont même dit ou pensé très
fort : c’est impossible car l’homme est mauvais ! Si ces gens
avaient raison, cela signifierait qu’ils sont eux-mêmes mauvais.
Demandons leur s’ils sont mauvais … La réponse, sera sûrement du
genre : Non, je ne suis pas mauvais mais beaucoup de gens sont
mauvais ou méchants. Le problème c’est que si l’on posait la même
question à chaque personne sur cette terre, on obtiendrait la même
réponse. Quelle conclusion peut-on en tirer ? Très simplement que
chacun de nous peut être bon ou mauvais et ce à chaque instant de
notre vie et en toutes circonstances. Alors, si nous encourageons
les bons aspects - à vous de trouver les façons de faire –
(l’éducation des enfants semble être une piste prometteuse
évidemment) – si nous semons de bonnes idées et de bons principes,
nous avons de bonnes chances de parvenir à un résultat positif et
encourageant. Par exemple, si nous choisissons de ne plus fabriquer
d’armes (de destruction massive, lente, propre, sale, raffinée,
inodore, moderne, sauvage, sélective, partielle, totale, nucléaire,
chimique ou bactériologique etc), de ne plus en vendre, de ne plus
les tolérer en quelque endroit que ce soit du Nord au Sud, de l’Est
à l’Ouest, je suppose que nous n’aurons pas autant de guerres, de
destructions et de victimes à mentionner dans nos journaux.
Quelle date
allons-nous choisir pour le changement ? Je suppose que toute date
qui nous donne le temps de réfléchir, de parler, de négocier, de
faire des choix éclairés et d’arrêter des décisions, de propager les
idées sur le net et dans tous les pays, de nous rencontrer, de
démanteler le vieux système, de mettre en œuvre les solutions
choisies, de choisir des représentants, de corriger les erreurs etc,
toute date raisonnablement proche sera la bonne.
Facile n’est-ce
pas ? Et bien non ! Pour nous tous, ce ne sera pas facile. En effet,
pourquoi ceux qui ont tout confisqué à leur profit seraient-ils
prêts à le rendre, à le partager ?
En fait, ils
feront tout ce qui est en leur pouvoir pour vous prouver qu’ils
savent, eux, ce qui est bon pour vous. Et qu’ils le savent mieux que
vous ! Ils vous diront que vous êtes de doux rêveurs ou des voleurs
ou même des révolutionnaires irresponsables. Faisons leur confiance
sur un point : eux et les média qu’ils contrôlent sauront trouver
des arguments contre cette idée simple et évidente : Seule la
justice est juste, les partages inégaux ne le sont pas. Bien
entendu, la loi qu’ils ont créée pour protéger leurs agissements –
cette loi faite pour les puissants – sera de leur côté et ils vous
diront que vous êtes dans l’illégalité la plus complète. La seule
illégalité pourtant, c’est ce qu’ils ont fait subir aux autres, ce
qu’ils tentent encore d’imposer comme modèle obligé à l’humanité
toute entière : un modèle libéral qui fait tous les jours la preuve
de sa nocivité pour l’homme moderne, et qui le maintient dans une
obscure préhistoire. Alors bien sûr, l’action devra être énergique,
sans concessions à l’injustice ou aux privilèges.
La violence
étant exclue, il convient de provoquer sans cesse l’effondrement
naturel et complet du vieux système économique. Les fruits pourris
tombent d’eux-mêmes, ils tombent encore plus vite si l’on secoue
l’arbre.
Disons que nous
n’achèterons plus rien, je veux dire presque plus rien, - seulement
ce qui est nécessaire et vital – des pommes de terre, des pâtes, du
pain, c’est à vous de voir, et disons aussi que nous n’irons pas
travailler, que nous consacrerons notre temps et nos forces à des
tâches autrement plus importantes, - les détails de dernière minute,
la coordination des mouvements et des changements.
La date : Vous voulez la connaître ? Elle est importante,
alors la voici :
La Démolition commencera le 1er Mai 2008,
dès que nous nous lèverons, sans panique car ce sera le premier jour
d’une longue et fort agréable série de jours de congé. Il faudra
plusieurs semaines pour que le système libéral capitaliste inhumain
meure de sa belle mort naturelle. Ce sera le premier jour de la
campagne « Pas de travail pour le capital, pas d’achats pour le
profit »
Cette campagne
durera le temps qu’il faudra : 3 ou 4 semaines, peut-être plus,
peut-être moins. Bien entendu, pendant que le vieux monde tombera en
lambeaux, les idées nouvelles se mettront en place, une à une, elles
combleront les vides, seront mises en œuvre gentiment,
régulièrement, sans délai, jusqu'à la mise en place complète d’une
société humaine digne de ce nom.
La reconstruction commence maintenant
si vous le souhaitez .Parlez-en autour de vous et sur
le net, dites ce que vous pensez, ce que vous souhaitez, ce que vous
exigez, discutez avec tous ceux que ça intéresse, voyez ce qu’ils
pensent, ce sur quoi vous êtes d’accord, ce qui est juste, ce qui
est faux, ce qui est vrai, etc … Que tout ceci vous apporte beaucoup
de plaisir.
> >3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./......
> >
> >4. Serial Number:........................................
> >
> >5. Please indicate where this product was purchased
> >[_] Received as gift / aid package
> >[_] Catalogue / showroom
> >[_] Independent arms broker
> >[_] Mail order
> >[_] Discount store
> >[_] Government surplus
> >[_] Classified
> >
> >6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
> >product you have just purchased
> >
> >[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
> >[_] Store display
> >[_] Espionage
> >[_] Recommended by friend / relative /ally
> >[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
> >[_] Was attacked by one
> >
> >7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
> >decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product [_] Style /
> >appearance [_] Speed / maneuverability
> >[_] Price / value
> >[_] Comfort / convenience
> >[_] Kickback / bribe
> >[_] Recommended by salesperson
> >[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
> >[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
> >[_] Backroom politics
> >[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
> >
> >8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product
> >will be used
> >[_] North America
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Aircraft carrier
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Europe
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Africa
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Asia / Far East
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Misc. Third World countries
> >[_] Iraq
> >[_] Classified
> >[_] Iraq
> >
> >9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
> >purchase in the near future [_] Color TV
> >[_] VCR
> >[_] ICBM
> >[_] Killer Satellite
> >[_] CD Player
> >[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
> >[_] Space Shuttle {Home Computer
> >[_] Nuclear Weapon
> >
> >10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate
> >all that apply:)
> >
> >[_] Communist / Socialist
> >[_] Terrorist
> >[_] Crazed
> >[_] Neutral
> >[_] Democratic
> >[_] Dictatorship
> >[_] Corrupt
> >[_] Primitive / Tribal
> >
> >11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
> >[_] Deficit spending
> >[_] Cash
> >[_] Suitcases of cocaine
> >[_] Oil revenues
> >[_] Personal check
> >[_] Credit card
> >[_] Ransom money
> >[_] Traveler's check
> >
> >12. Your occupation
> >[_] Homemaker
> >[_] Sales / marketing
> >[_] Revolutionary
> >[_] Clerical
> >[_] Mercenary
> >[_] Tyrant
> >[_] Middle management
> >[_] Eccentric billionaire
> >[_] Defense Minister / General
> >[_] Retired
> >[_] Student
> >
> >13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
> >interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
> >participating on a regular basis
> >
> >[_] Golf
> >[_] Boating / sailing
> >[_] Sabotage
> >[_] Running / jogging
> >[_] Propaganda / misinformation
> >[_] Destabilization / overthrow
> >[_] Default on loans
> >[_] Gardening
> >[_] Crafts
> >[_] Black market / smuggling
> >[_] Collectibles / collections
> >[_] Watching sports on TV
> >[_] Wines
> >[_] Interrogation / torture
> >[_] Household pets
> >[_] Crushing rebellions
> >[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
> >[_] Fashion clothing
> >[_] Border disputes
> >[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
> >
> >Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
> >answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas
> >serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
> >mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
> >extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
> >
> >As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to
win
> >a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
> >
> >Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
> >
> >Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
> >Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
> >
> >IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
> >addressee(s)
> >named above and may contain information that is confidential
privileged
> >or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no
> >sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the
> >intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of
this
> >email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and
> >constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word
> >absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other
> >than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use
and
> >may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this
> >email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let
me
> >tell you.
> >
> >Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
gratified
> >to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this
> >warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
> >However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and
your
> >computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If
you
> >have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
> >whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
At a small air terminal in the
Texas Panhandle, three strangers are
>
> awaiting their shuttle flight. One is a Native American passing
>
> through from Oklahoma. Another, a local ranch hand on his way to Ft.
> Worth for a stock show. The third passenger is an Arab student, newly
> arrived at the Texas oil patch from the Middle East.
>
>
> The cowpoke leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a
>
> magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.
> The wind outside blows tumbleweeds and the old windsock flaps, but no
> plane comes.
>
>
> To pass the time the other two strike up a conversation on recent
> events
and
> the discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon the Westerners
>
> learn that the Arab is a devout Muslim. The conversation falls into an
> uneasy lull.
>
> Finally, the Native American clears his throat and softly, he speaks:
"Once
> my people were many, now we are few."
>
>
> The Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were
> few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
>
>
> The Texan shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from
>
> the darkness beneath his Stetson says "Cause we ain't played Cowboys
>
> and Muslims...yet"
>
Subject: Fw: Honesty can be fun! >
>
> > Just imagine sitting in traffic on your
way to work and hearing this.
> > Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the
WBAM FM morning show in
> Chicago.
> > > >
> > The DJs play a game where they award
winners great prizes. The game is
> > called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone
at work and ask if they are
> > married or seriously involved with
someone. If the contestant answers
> > "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random
yet highly personal questions.
> > The
> > person is also asked to divulge the name
of their partner (with phone
> > number) for verification. If their
partner answers those same three
> > questions correctly, they both win the
prize. One particular game,
> >
> > however, several months ago made the City
of Big Shoulders drop to its
> > knees with laughter and is possibly the
funniest thing I've heard yet.
> >
> > Anyway, here's how it all went down:
> > DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you
ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
> > Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
> > DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving
away a trip to Orlando, Florida
> if
> > you win. What is your name? First only
please."
> > Contestant: "Brian."
> > DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
> > Brian: "Yes."
> > DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or
you're what?"
> > Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am
married."
> > DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's
name? First only please."
> > Brian: "Sara."
> > DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
> > Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
> > DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at
work?"
> > Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
> > DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the
last time you had sex?"
> > Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
> > DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
> > Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
> > DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
> > Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
> > DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
> > Brian: "About 10 minutes."
> > DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh?
No one would ever have said
> > that
> > if a trip wasn't at stake."
> > Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be
nice."
> > DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you
have sex at 8 o'clock this
> > morning?"
> > Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
> > DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it
at?"
> > Brian: "Not that it was all that great,
but her mom is staying with us
> > for
> > a couple of weeks..."
> > DJ: "Uh huh..."
> > Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in
the shower at the time."
> > DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
> > Brian: "On the kitchen table."
> > DJ: "Not that great?? That is more
adventure than the previous hundred
> > times I've done it. Okay folks, I will
put Brian on hold, get
> > this wife's work number and call her up.
You listen to this."
> > 3 minutes of commercials follow.
> > DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah,
shall we?"
> > touch tones.....ringing....)
> > Clerk: "Kinkos."
> > DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
> > Clerk: "This is she."
> > DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We
are live on the air right now
> and
> > I've been talking with Brian for a couple
of hours now."
> > Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
> > DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line
with us. Brian knows not to
> > give
> > any answers away or you'll lose.
> > Sooooooo... do you know the rules of
'Mate Match'?"
> > Sarah: "No."
> > DJ: "Good!"
> > Brian: (laughing)
> > Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell
are you up to?"
> > Brian (laughing) "Just answer his
questions honestly, okay? Be
> completely
> > honest."
> > DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will
ask you 3 questions,
> > Sarah. If your answers match Brian's
answers, then the both of you will
> > be
> > off to
> > Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney
World. Sea World. Tickets to
> > the
> > Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it
Sarah?"
> > Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
> > DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex,
Sarah?"
> > Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning
before Brian went to work."
> > DJ: "What time?"
> > Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
> > DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long
did it last?"
> > Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
> > DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am
sure she is trying to protect his
> > manhood. We've got one last question,
Sarah. You are one question away
> > from
> > a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
> > Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
> > DJ: "Where did you have it?"
> > Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell
them that, did you?"
> > Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
> > DJ: "What is bothering you so much,
Sarah?"
> > Sarah: "Well..."
> > DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have
it?
> > Sarah: "Up the arse....."
> > After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks,
we need to take a station
> break"
>
>
________________________________________________________________________
Minous, Minette
A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But instead of
going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and
spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday
night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for
nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions. Finally his wife stopped
the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't
see me for two or three days?" To which he replied: "That would be fine
with me.
" Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and
Wednesday came and
went with the same results. Finally on Thursday, the
swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of
the corner of his left eye.
Farewell
Dear friends, family and colleagues,
THIS WILL BE MY LAST E/MAIL TO YOU ALL!
I have decided to join a guerilla force and to fight selflessly for
the liberation of the oppressed Bolivian population.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP ME! THESE PEOPLE NEED ME!
My decision has been made - I have attached a picture of my fellow
freedom fighters.
VIVA LIBERATION VIVA!
Armée de libération - armée d'occupation - rebelles - résistants -
patriotes - terroristes - soldiers - war
<>
These are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down
and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place:
> > >> > >
> > >> > > --------------------------------------------------------
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: What is your date of birth?
> > >> > > A: July fifteenth.
> > >> > > Q: What year?
> > >> > > A: Every year.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> > >> > > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> > >> > > A: Yes.
> > >> > > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > >> > > A: I forget.
> > >> > > Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
you've
> > >> > > forgotten?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> > >> > > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> > >> > > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > >> > > A: Forty-five years.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke
> > >> > > that morning?
> > >> > > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > >> > > Q: And why did that upset you?
> > >> > > A: My name is Susan.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: And where was the location of the accident?
> > >> > > A: Approximately milepost 499.
> > >> > > Q: And where is milepost 499?
> > >> > > A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
> > >> > > A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
> > >> > > A: After the accident?
> > >> > > Q: Before the accident.
> > >> > > A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo
> > >> >or
> > >> > > the occult?
> > >> > > A: We both do.
> > >> > > Q: Voodoo?
> > >> > > A: We do.
> > >> > > Q: You do?
> > >> > > A: Yes, voodoo.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and
blue
> > >> > > lights flashing?
> > >> > > A: Yes.
> > >> > > Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
> > >> > > A: Yes, sir.
> > >> > > Q: What did she say?
> > >> > > A: What disco am I at?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep,
> > >> >he
> > >> > > doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August eighth?
> > >> > > A: Yes.
> > >> > > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: She had three children, right?
> > >> > > A: Yes.
> > >> > > Q: How many were boys?
> > >> > > A: None.
> > >> > > Q: Were there any girls?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
> > >> > > A: Yes.
> > >> > > Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > >> > > A: By death.
> > >> > > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > >> > > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > >> > > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition
> > >> > > notice which I sent to your attorney?
> > >> > > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
> > >> > > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
> > >> > > A: Oral.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > >> > > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > >> > > Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > >> > > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> > >> > > autopsy.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a
> > >> > > pulse?
> > >> > > A: No.
> > >> > > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > >> > > A: No.
> > >> > > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > >> > > A: No.
> > >> > > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> > >> >began
> > >> > > the autopsy?
> > >> > > A: No.
> > >> > > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > >> > > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > >> > > Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
> > >> > > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> > >> >practicing
> > >> > > law somewhere.
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >> > >
> > >>
> > >>
>_____
A married couple are driving
along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife
behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says,
"Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a
divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph. He
then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've
been
having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than
you are."Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds
up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By then she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank
accounts, all the credit cards, too." The wife slowly starts to veer
toward a bridge overpass piling. This makes him a bit nervous, so he
says,
"Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife
smiles and says, "The airbag."
> > Need A Push?
> >
> > A man and his wife were awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a
loud
> > pounding on the door. The man got up and went to the door where a
drunken
> > stranger standing in the pouring down rain was asking for a push.
> >
> > "Not a chance" said the husband - "It's three o'clock in the morning!"
> >
> > He slammed the door and returned to bed.
> >
> > "Who was it?" asked his wife.
> >
> > "Just a drunken stranger asking for a push" he answered.
> >
> > "Did you help him?" she asked.
> >
> > "NO, I didn't - it's three in the morning and raining out!"
> >
> > "Well you've got a short memory," said his wife.
> >
> > "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on
vacation
> > and
> > those two guys helped us? I think you should help him."
> >
> > The man did as he was told, got dressed, went out into the pounding
rain
> and
> > called out into the dark.
> >
> > "Hello-are you still there?"
> >
> > "Yes," came the answer.
> >
> > "Do you still want a push?" called out the husband.
> >
> > "Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark.
> >
> > "Where are you?" asked the husband.
> >
> > "Over here on the swing," the drunk replied.
A man appears
before the pearly gates.
" Have you
ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can
think of one thing," the man offers. "Once I came upon a gang
of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So
I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I
smacked himon the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his
nose ring and threw it on
the ground, and told him, 'Now get the fuck out of here!' "
Peter was
impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
There's this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the
drink from the guy, and gulps it down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking.
Here,... I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I sleep
through the alarm, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires
me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home,
and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I
find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about
putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!!!"
A Catholic Priest
and a Nun were out having a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said, "Shit, I missed."
Sister Marie told him to watch his language.
At the next swing he missed again, "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I am not going to continue to play with you if you keep on
swearing."
The priest promises to do better. At the next tee he misses
again, usual reply, "Shit, I missed."
Sister Marie is really mad now and says, "Father?
God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
At the next tee, the priest misses, swears, "Shit, I missed." Out of the
sky comes a gigantic bolt of lighting, which strikes Sister Marie dead
in
her tracks.
Then the skies open up and a big booming voice says,"Shit, I missed."
Here's another blonde joke
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalK and leans down to pick it up.She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
"Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands
her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it's me!"
An Irishman moves
into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub,
and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows,
but
serves the man three beers, which he quietly drinks at a table, alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three
more. This happens yet again. The next evening, the man again orders
and
drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is
whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later,
the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town.
"I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you
always order three beers."
"Tis odd, isn't it? You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America
and one went to Australia. We promised each other that we would always
order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the
family bond."
The bartender, and the whole town, was pleased with the answer, and
soon
the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and a source
of
pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come
to watch him drink.
Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers.
The bartender pours them with a heavy heart.
This continues for the rest of the evening:
he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered
for the soul of one of the brothers.
The next day, the bartender says
to the man,
"Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer
condolences to
you on the death of your brother. You know ... the two beers and all ..."
The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "Thank you. But
you'll
be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just
that
I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
Subject: Active Genesis
1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he
created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And
God
separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said-Let
the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard
disks and compact disks.
4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put
floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created
computers
and called them hardware.
5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and
big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the
Memory.
6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will
make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God
showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the
volumes
and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took
a
bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look
up at
the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the
Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it
was Good.
10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill
said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program
and
every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did
not even try? The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God.
You
will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
mouse.
13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier
to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows
could replace it.
14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the
Programmer that it was good.
15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And
God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered -
I am
looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God
said - Who told you you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the
Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!
16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you
will always sell Windows.
17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will
disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use
lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmer's help.
18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User
you
will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will
have to
fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.
20. General Protection Fault
And
now for a little "blague"
en français I have
just found in my mail
Ci dessous est la version d'une soi-disant question de
chimie
donnée à l'université de Montpellier. La réponse d'un étudiant
a été si profonde que le professeur l'a partagé avec ses
collègues, via Internet, et c'est pourquoi nous avons le
plaisir de la lire.
Question bonus: L'enfer est il exothermique (évacue de la
chaleur) ou endothermique (absorbe de la chaleur) ?
La plupart des étudiants ont exprimé leur croyance en utilisant
la loi de Boyle (si un gaz se dilate il se refroidit et
inversement) ou ses variantes.
Cependant un étudiant eut la réponse suivante:
Premièrement, nous avons besoin de connaître comment varie la
masse de l'enfer avec le temps. Nous avons donc besoin de
connaître à quel taux les âmes entrent et sortent de l'enfer.
Je pense que nous pouvons sans risque assumer qu'une fois
entrée en enfer, l'âme n'y ressortira plus. Du coup, aucune âme
ne sort. De même pour le calcul du nombre d'entrée des âmes en
enfer, nous devons regarder le fonctionnement des différentes
religions qui existent de par le monde aujourd'hui. La plupart
de ces religions affirment que si vous n'êtes pas un membre de
leur religion alors vous irez en enfer. Comme il existe plus
d'une religion exprimant cette règle et comme les gens
n'appartiennent pas a plus d'une religion, nous pouvons
projeter que toutes les âmes vont en enfer.
Maintenant regardons la vitesse de changement de volume de
l'enfer parce que la loi de Boyle spécifie que pour que la
pression et la température reste identique en enfer, le volume
de l'enfer doit se dilater proportionnellement à l'entrée des
âmes.
Cela donne deux possibilités :
1 Si l'enfer se dilate à une vitesse moindre que l'entrée des
âmes en enfer, alors la température et la pression en enfer
augmenteront indéfiniment jusqu'à ce que l'enfer éclate.
2 Si l'enfer se dilate à une vitesse supérieure à la vitesse
d'entrée des âmes en enfer, alors la température diminuera
jusqu'à ce que l'enfer gèle.
Laquelle choisir ?
Si nous acceptons le postulat que Teresa m'a répondu durant ma
première année d'étudiant qu' 'Il fera froid en enfer avant que
je couche avec toi et en tenant compte du fait que j'ai couché
avec elle la nuit dernière alors l'hypothèse doit être vraie et
alors je suis sûr que l'enfer est exothermique et a déjà gelé.
Le corollaire de cette théorie c'est que comme l'enfer a déjà
gelé, il s'en suit qu'il n'accepte plus aucune âme et du coup
qu'il n'existe plus... Laissant ainsi seul le paradis, ainsi
prouvant l'existence d'un être divin, ce qui explique
pourquoi, la nuit dernière, Teresa n'arrêtait pas de crier ' oh
mon dieu'
